This year I am sharing a coaching tip each month on a particular area which I come across regularly in my coaching sessions with clients. These coaching tips will by no means address all the nuances regarding the specific coaching topic, however, I hope to share some of the gold that I believe can, and will, make a difference for you in your life if you apply it to yourself.
To your highest and best! Tam x
Know What You Want!
One of the main reasons that I see people fail at achieving their goals in life, is because they don’t make the time to clearly define what it is that they truly want. This leaves people feeling like they either don’t ever achieve what they want (it’s not defined so they never know when get there), or that when they get what they want, it isn’t what they wanted at all, so the experience feels empty or disappointing.
Take the individual who comes into coaching with the desire to travel, they want to work on achieving their travel goals. Then after some inquiry, it is discovered that, travel is on behalf of their deeper desire for adventure. Well of course travel can be adventurous if approached from that mindset, however, it is a limited way to think about all the different ways you could experience adventure in life. This uncovering of deeper or core desires is crucial because the strategies employed will be different in achieving that goal.
It seems so obvious when you think about it – that to progress towards a goal, you need to know what you want, right? But how often are people heading somewhere without a clear picture of where they are going! Many of my clients who come into coaching often know what they DON’T want, however, this is incomplete. Knowing what you don’t want doesn’t always inform you about what you do want. And how do you really achieve what you want when you are focused on what you don’t want… especially when we know that what we focus on tends to expand.
So how do you figure out what you truly deeply want? Seems like it should be easy, just ask yourself the question… what do I want? Right? Not necessarily. This is the start, but it won’t always get to the heart of what it is you truly desire. Really understanding what you want is what coaching is all about. It often requires exploration, investigation, challenge, and a truthful and fiercely compassionate conversation to get underneath what it is a client thinks they want, to uncover their true heart’s desire. The good news is once you know what you want, achieving your goal is so much easier.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to really uncover what it is you really really want…
What do you really REALLY want?
What will getting what you want give you?
In what context do you want this?
How do you know you really want this?
Why do you want this? Why it is important to you?
What will it look like, sound like, feel like when you get what you want?
How will you know that you have achieved getting what you want?
NOTE: Make sure that what you want is positively stated. E.g. rather than “I don’t want to be unhealthy” state it positively “I want vitality”
I hope that these questions above have evoked curiosity in you to discover what it is you truly want. Remembering that checking in with a coach about what you want can be extremely valuable to ensure that you close the gap between where you currently are and where you desire to be across any context in your life.